Can't Say
by cymyguy
Summary: A bothered Kageyama pursuing a less than attentive Hinata. Kageyama has a hard time explaining himself, and decides to stop using words.


Kageyama stood in the changing room, watching Hinata attempt chest bumps with Nishanoya, both of them still in their practice clothes. Suga came up on his left shoulder.

"Kageyama, you were very focused today. You did well. But—you look a little strange now. Is something bothering you?"

"I—Uh, no," Kageyama said.

"Mm hm?"

"I—I'm going home. With Hinata. Today."

"Is that so? He invited you over?"

"We're going to watch the Jakko-Yarashu quick video."

"I see. And," Suga lowered his voice, "About that thing we discussed, you're thinking of telling him?"

"No. Because I—can't. I can't say it to him."

Kageyama bit down on his lip. Even admitting that he couldn't admit it was embarrassing.

Suddenly Suga was pulling him out the door and back into the gymnasium.

"Setter stuff, doesn't concern you, Daichi," Suga said.

The captain let them pass and walked on. Suga stopped inside the gym doors. He folded his arms.

"What?" Kageyama said.

"You're going to walk home together, alone. With no one else around. Hinata's hardly ever alone, you know that."

"I know, I know, it's the best chance I'm gonna get, but I—I can't say things, Sugawara-san. Especially not to him."

"Well who told you you have to say things?" he smirked. "There's other ways of letting someone know. You could just kiss him, quick and painless."

Kageyama stared at him. By the time he had recovered his voice, the red had crept from his jawline into his cheeks.

"Quick—and painless?"

"Kageyama." Suga squeezed his shoulder. "You would want to do that with him, right? You like him that way?"

"Well—" He snarled and chewed at his lip some more.

"Okay, you could try holding his hand. Although, with Hinata I have some concerns about that."

"So do I."

"He's fairly touchy-feely as it is, there's a possibility he might not take the hint. Maybe coming from you, though—"

"What?"

"Never mind. I only want to tell you that it'll get harder the longer you wait. I think you know that already, but it helps to hear from someone else, I think. It might give you a little push. That's only if you need it. You have to go your own way, of course."

Suga smiled and moved to the exit. Kageyama followed him back.

"Suga-san," Hinata cried.

"Hm?"

"Will you please come here for a second?"

Hinata led him toward the back closet. They disappeared inside, and for several minutes Kageyama loitered near the doors, waiting for Hinata. He nodded at the others as they passed with goodbyes.

"Whoooo, Kageyama, let's go!"

Hinata grabbed his bag and bounded past. Kageyama stretched but missed his shirt. He ran after him.

"Hey, slow down. We race to school, not from it."

Hinata stopped.

"Oh, okay. I wasn't sure," he shrugged. He was smiling shamelessly. "This is gonna be super sweet. You've been to Yamaguchi's and Tsukkishima's, but you've never been to my house. Do you have the video?"

"Yeah."

Hinata chattered on. He tended to repeat the same things on a loop, so Kageyama didn't have to listen hard. But today this was a disadvantage; his thoughts were free, and the whirling cogs of his brain eventually showed their heat on the red in his cheeks. Kageyama couldn't do anything now, because Hinata would see his face and know something was wrong. He wanted to play this coolly. But if he couldn't look the redhead in the face…

"Hey, is it raining?" Hinata said.

Kageyama jumped on the excuse and threw up his hood. Now his face was partly hidden, if he kept looking straight ahead. From this angle there was one thing he could try.

"But Suga-san said the footwork is difficult, and me being me—"

"You can handle it," Kageyama said.

He grinned. "Yes."

His arm swung high up in front of them. Kageyama's throat tightened. He stretched out his hand and caught Hinata's. Their arms swung to rest at their sides.

He could feel Hinata looking at him, but he didn't turn his head, and didn't speak. His hand was very hot compared to the other boy's. He almost growled at himself.

He was suddenly shocked by the fact that Hinata had not pulled away. The smaller boy lifted his arm, holding their joined hands out so that Kageyama saw them too. Hinata looked thoughtful, then opened his fingers and slipped them between Kageyama's. The taller boy's lips parted in surprise, and he felt hot, in his thighs of all places.

"Wow, Kageyama! I've heard stuff like this helps with matching timing, but I didn't know you were that dedicated."

"W—What?"

"I'm glad. This will be good for us, if we walk like this a lot we'll be even more in synch on the court. We'll totally know each other's movements, maybe it will even give us an extra edge. You're pretty smart about volleyball stuff."

Kageyama had not tightened his fingers since Hinata adjusted their grip. Now he could not feel them at all. This had gone exactly as he expected, so why was he so put off by his teammate's reaction?

"Shit," he muttered. Hinata was talking and didn't hear.

They walked for five minutes more, Hinata swinging his arms up high like he regularly did, and Kageyama suffocating in his own embarrassed heat.

"There's my house."

Kageyama opened his hand, and the other willingly released him. Hinata led the way up the lawn, through the front door and the hallway.

"Is—your house always this quiet?" Kageyama said. Hinata snorted.

"Yeah right, _I_ live here. But my family's not home now, so if you weren't here I'd be quieter than usual."

"Your—No one's here? When will your family be back?"

"Not until nine, my sister has a dance recital. That's why I wanted to do it today, not tomorrow even though it's Friday."

Kageyama had stopped. He was thinking that Hinata must know something. Why would he bring him here when his family was out? Had Suga told him? Did he know Kageyama wanted him alone?

"Hey, Kageyama, this way, stupid."

"Boke. What did you talk to Suga-san about?"

The question had popped out before he could think.

"Huh? Today? He was showing me what kind of tape to use on my blisters. Come on, this is my room."

Hinata put his laptop on the floor, and they sat and leaned against his bed to watch the video. Kageyama was deflated and no longer prepared to make a move. But he was still angry with himself. He looked sideways at Hinata. There was the orange fluff, an arm's length away. The round cheeks. He had smooth skin, Kageyama realized. And thick eyelashes.

Kageyama scooted up next to him. He put his hand on the floor behind the boy, and leaned around his shoulder. Hinata turned with innocent curiosity. There was no time at all for his body to make a reaction. Kageyama's nose brushed his.

His bottom lip pushed against Hinata's chin. His top lip rested on Hinata's bottom. He knew it wasn't right, but the boy's chin was soft, and he had become paralyzed. He couldn't bring himself to move, so he let his lip lay there, pressing down.

Then, Hinata moved. It was only the slightest upward flinch, probably involuntary, but it was enough to send Kageyama's insides up in flames. He squared his lips. His head slid to the right almost on its own, and he pouted and pressed out.

He lost his train of thought. There was nothing but another press, and another, but not hard. It felt like the other boy's pressure might disappear, but Kageyama couldn't move his hand to hold him. His brain had lost contact.

He realized his lips had stopped moving. He brushed them across, trying to turn, but their noses met and stopped him. Hinata's mouth was perfectly still.

Hinata's.

Hinata's mouth.

Their lips were still touching, barely. How long had it been? Kageyama opened his eyes. Hinata's were shut tight, crinkling at the corners. His shoulders lurched up and down as he breathed. Kageyama's stomach attacked him, twisting into knots. He leaned back, took his hand from its place at Hinata's feet, and turned himself back toward the computer. He was scared, but he couldn't look away from the other boy.

Hinata's eyes opened, but they looked dazed, not so wide as usual. Then his mouth gaped. Kageyama could have winced, if he wasn't so busy trying to deal with the tension in the rest of his body.

Hinata pulled his legs up to his chest, and hugged them there. His chin sunk between his knees, before he turned and moved his eyes up to Kageyama's. It was a frighteningly timid gesture, and the setter's face blanked with terror.

Then Hinata grabbed two fistfuls of his fluffy hair and squeezed. Kageyama wanted to stab himself.

"K-Kageyama. I'm sorry but—I don't know—how. I can't kiss you back, I don't know how."

Kageyama was frozen. Hinata's head sank farther between his knees.

"Urghhhh, this is humiliating. Of course you're good at it, and you have technique and everything…Damn it," he mumbled.

Kageyama scoffed.

"Well you think I—I have no clue—It's just—I just did it."

"Really?" Hinata's face appeared, peeking from under his own arm. "Just—do it?"

Kageyama frowned. The redhead's shoulders were twitching.

"Okay," Hinata said. He tackled him.

The change came so fast that Kageyama was on his back before he realized. Hinata was pressed against him, and for some reason Kageyama noted the lightness of the pressure on his chest, even with the boy's full weight. Hinata's nose rubbed against his cheek as he wiggled his lips up and down. Kageyama was more lost this time than the first. He couldn't even manage to relax his mouth. Hinata didn't notice. He was opening and closing, taking a breath then pressing back onto him.

But suddenly Hinata seemed to lose his nerve, or else became more conscious. Kageyama felt his straining arms go limp at his sides as Hinata's bottom lip nuzzled in between his. He parted them, and Hinata pouted, pushing his just a little deeper.

Kageyama's chin sank. His mind was fuzzy, but he felt renewed heat in the underside of his arms. He took a big breath, and pushed Hinata back from him. It was harder than intended, and the boy toppled off to the side. Kageyama sat up and tried to pull him upright by his shirt.

"Okay. Calm down," he said, patting his chest.

Hinata was kneeling near him, but looking down. "Sorry if I didn't do it right. I guess this is one thing I can't beat you at. Yet."

"Yet?"

Hinata started. "O—Oh," he said. "I—I—Oh no."

He quickly dropped his gaze and began to twist his hands in his lap.

"I thought—Geez, I messed up. I'm sorry, sorry, I messed up. Really."

He leapt to his feet, startling the other.

"I read that way wrong," he declared, before his voice broke to a murmur. "Sorry Kageyama-kun."

He was burning red. Just like that he turned and left the room. All along Kageyama had been trying to manage to say something. He sat for several more seconds, feeling some kind of aching pinch in his chest. He got up.

The front door was open. Hinata was standing outside in the rain, facing away. Kageyama went to the door.

"Hey, you—"

"I'm sorry. Really really sorry, Kageyama. I was confused. But I get it now, sorry. I really am a dumbass."

He had wandered farther into the yard, and now sat down on the little stone wall that framed the garden. The big rain droplets ticked against the grass. Kageyama felt the silence was choking him, keeping him from swallowing.

"I—Dumbass. Only I can call you that."

He crouched and grabbed Hinata by the arms. The smaller boy watched his face, surprised but attentive. Kageyama could not look him directly in the eye, and focused instead on a tuft of hair sticking out above his right ear.

"I don't think—you misunderstood…Well, now you…I don't—mean…"

Kageyama was getting red in the face, and irritated with himself. He glanced a second at Hinata's eyes, bubbling orbs of hot brown. Kageyama closed his own and kissed him.

What he felt made him lean in, as if it pressed from the back of his chest. He left his lips open, trying to take Hinata's in. He wanted to make it clear, but his mouth didn't seem capable. It stayed still, even with the quivering against it from the other.

Kageyama kept one hand on Hinata's shoulder as he hung his head.

"I can't—say—what I want," he choked.

Hinata cocked his head. His hand trailed to his own lips.

"I think—you just did…" His eyes were melting and stirring as he looked at his setter. "But—if you say it one more time, I—I'm sure I'll get it."

Kageyama stared.

His left hand inched from Hinata's shoulder up to his neck. The small boy was wet with cold rain, but his skin glowed warmth. He felt Hinata's little hand half close around his wrist. He was looking at Kageyama's mouth. The setter leaned left, thought better of it, and leaned right.

He kissed him. Hinata's lips were a little chapped, he hadn't noticed before. They were small, but so warm. Kageyama's bottom lip pressed up once.

Twice.

Three times.

His fingertip grazed Hinata's smooth chin, just before their lips lost touch. Then Kageyama watched the smile, the sun, come out on the boy's face. Hinata covered his face with his hands and hunched over his knees.

"Oh my goooosh Kageyama. You have to leave now, I'm so embarrassed and happy!" He pulled him up by the arm. "Seriously, you have to go." He pushed a weak-kneed Kageyama toward the road. "I'll do something crazy and really totally embarrass myself in front of you."

"I need my bag."

"I'll get it."

Hinata bounced to the house. Kageyama couldn't not watch him. The orange hair was patted down from the rain. The t-shirt stuck to the tight waist. Kageyama wiped his mouth on his sleeve. Hinata came back and handed him the bag, beaming. He reached out to hug the taller boy, but stopped himself and put his hands behind his back.

"Sorry. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

His smile faded a millimeter as Kageyama took a moment to answer.

"Yeah. I'll see you."

He beamed again. Kageyama started to turn.

"Wait!"

Hinata moved to his tiptoes, reached up and started pushing the setter's wet hair back from his forehead. Kageyama felt heat flowing up his neck as the boy's hands ran through and through his hair.

"Hey, what are you—"

He pushed Hinata back and raised his face. Hinata looked at the smooth forehead, the straight, neat eyebrows raised the tiniest bit at him, and the crow-black strands brushed back from the eyes, blue eyes.

His hand shot to his mouth. He turned around and started running to the house. Without looking back, he waved wildly.

"Bye Kageyama. Don't say hi to any girls on the way home, kay?"

Kageyama stood staring at the house. He ran a hand once through his hair.

Eventually he turned, pulling his hood up and adjusting the bag on his shoulder. He walked slowly down the street.

He tilted his head to hide his smile in the shadow of the hood. But he still felt self-conscious, so he raised his hand, and ended up laughing breathlessly.


End file.
